It might seem like if you’ve GOT an eendogger, you’re stuck with it – and in the past that was true! But not so today. There is a veritable proliferation of een-prevention (and removal) products on the market: some legitimate, some only doubtfully effective, some outright dangerous! We’ll examine a few of the more popular options below.
Salt Pillow
It’s well known that if you spray an een with saline solution, it will drop off. However, it usually screams a murderous scream and implodes in the process – taking you with it! Much safer than saline solution, though less effective, is the simple salt pillow: Lay your head against it and no een would DARE attach. Right?
Salted Pretzel
A fashionable* alternative to the salt pillow is a salted pretzel earring. Just hanging this attractive ornament from your lobe is sure to dissuade prospective eens from taking up residence in your vicinity.
Unsalted Pretzel
Often considered a “gateway” pretzel, this healthier alternative to the salted pretzel (above) conveys no benefits and has a 0% efficacy rating in preventing eens.
Een Whistle
The OG of een prevention. Een whistles are hand-carved by a master craftsman in Botswana, the homeland of bahoona pigs. Only one man knows the whittling technique, and unfortunately, he has stopped carving, so all extant whistles have become collector’s items and are stored in museums. It would thus be very difficult to make use of an een whistle, should you need one, day to day.
Self-whittled Whistle
An extremely risky way to dislodge an een. If you don’t know what you’re doing (and, as you have seen, no one does), and you blow a self-whittled whistle, chances are your eendogger will simply burrow deeper into your ear.
T. S. Eliot poems
It is a fact: Every time a T. S. Eliot poem is read aloud, an eendogger drops off an ear. So as much as you might dislike T. S. Eliot, reading his poems aloud potentially does a lot of good.
This is a tried and true method.
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